When I graduated from High School I remember how electric the atmosphere was. I was excited, thrilled even. But I never wanted it to be *THAT* big of a deal because I was going to college. I remember how some of my friends were acting. Graduating from High School was not going to be the highlight of my life. And looking back on some of my friends, high school was indeed the highlight of their lives. High school was difficult at times, from getting bullied to eventually being co-editor of the school paper and everything in between. So while my family was happy, I never wanted them to be *that* happy. There was more for me.

When I graduated from college, my family was proud. I was happy. I was overjoyed. I put a great deal of blood, sweat and tears into that university (that I won’t name). I was never really a big deal to me that my family didn’t have a grand parade for me, like some people’s families did. They were happy no doubt. A black man who made it thru college, hell yeah they were happy. I look at all my family in Mississippi and Indiana and I’ve definite gone farther than most of my family. But College wasn’t gonna be the highlight of my life. I felt there was more for me.

When I was sleeping on a dorm room floor in the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania, traveling over an hour to get to a job that paid me $5.75 an hour, I would wake up everyday wondering why I was going through what I was going thru. My parents and family had no idea where I was, cuz I didn’t want them to know I was living like that. Some people wrote me off, including myself at times. Asking me why this, and why that, and you should be doing this, and why aren’t you doing that and If I was you this, etc. A lot of people mistake my quiet personality for laziness. They don’t know that I have fought thru every obstacle placed in my way.

Right now my feelings range from relieved to pure joy. But I don’t at all feel like "I've made it". Making it to the NBA isn't enough if you ride the bench and get waived after one season. I’m not done. I’m happy and I want people to be happy for me. I fought for 2 years for this. But this only means I’ll be working harder now. There’s more for me.

So on Monday I'll be starting my first "Real Job". Real salary, benefits, all that good stuff.

This will probably also be the last entry in this diary. For the last 2 years I've filled this diary with entry after entry of depressing details of my trials and hardships. There is a passage in the Bible (that I will try to find) that says that everything the devil takes from you, God will give it back PLUS more.

So I'm expecting lots of blessings and wonderful things in the future. And I'll link that NEW BLOG so that everyone who followed me thru this 2 years of madness can see how I've gone from nothing to something....

:-)

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spoken 2004-08-04

Where You From ~ Where You At